IUI #5

I made J receive all of the phone calls that tell you things, b/c I have decided the less I know the better.  We had IUI #5 on Sunday Sept 26.  It was my 35 birthday.  I feel so much better about it this time, b/c I did not know any of the numbers.  Yay.  So in 2 weeks we will see how it all went. 

IUI was yesterday Aug. 31

J had AWESOME numbers- 34 million.  I hope they find my one and lonely follie and we get something wonderful out of it. 

This was the first time that the IUI hurt like hell.  I don't know why.  It really kind of sucked. 
I hope I at least don't loose body parts out of this one. 

Now the wait begins...

CD 12 (Sunday Aug 29)

Not happy news.  I got up early and went to the apt.  I felt like cattle they herded me in and only looked at 2 follies when I knew and the u/s tech also knew I had more than that. 

Right Follie- 11.1
Left Follie- 18.8
E2 158
Lining 8.8

Not great numbers for the E2.  It usually should be around 200 and it isn't, although some Dr's are ok with it above 150.  :-(

They had us trigger.  We did finally end up getting the trigger on Sat. afternoon after a huge debacle with insurance. 

The clinic called my cell phone and left a message, I somehow missed the call.  So I had to make the apt for the iui on Monday.  There where no times left for almost all of the slots.  We did end up getting squeezed into Rockville at 8:30 for the SA wash and 10 for the insemination. 

I am already over this cycle.  Not only are my numbers bad, I had to battle insurance and the fertility clinic for meds and apts.  I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. 

CD10 Apt Update (Friday Aug 27)

E2 level is 104
Left Follie 12.5
                 7
                 6
Right Follie 8.8

CD8 Apt. Details

E2 level is 92.9
I have a (GULP) total of 16 follies.
On the Right 1 big one... @ 7.1
On the Left 2 big ones... 9.7 and 8.8

Go back in on CD 10 with 2 more days of 75 iu of Gonal-F injections. 

The sad thing is that they are making me so hormonal and nauseous. 

Insurance is sending more Gonal-F... finally, but still have not approved the trigger.  Le sigh. 

CD6 Monitoring Apt.

Left ovary 5 follies
Right ovary 3 follies

No update on lining b/c I am still bleeding.  But I have made DH inject me in the left side so the left ovary gets most of the FSH.  That appears to be helping... Go back on Wed for another dildo cam check.

Insurance is being a PITA.  Last IUI cycle I refilled my Gonal-F prescription b/c they where a PITA and delayed my meds.   So I have a bunch of Gonal-F, but will need the Ovadril to Trigger and the endometrium after the IUI.  I have a feeling I will have to do the "refill" thing again for a next cycle, if we need it.  I hate trying to plan around slow insurance companies.

ETA:  E2 level is 73.1.

Insurance still sucks.  I have been on the phone with 2 fertility pharmacies about the drugs I need and still nothing.  Ugh.  I hate this. 

le sigh.

CD3 Monitoring Apt

Right ovary 6 follies
Left ovary 5 follies
Will start 75mL Gonal-F injections for 3 days and then go back on Monday for another monitoring apt to see how they are growing. 

IUI #4 should start soon...

AF is on her way.  Good thing too, b/c I have been having some awful pms.  The logistics are going to be hellish.  J is not going to be thrilled with the idea that AF is almost here a bit early.  I hope we can pull this off.  I am not looking forward to giving my self shots, and I don't like the symptoms of the drugs. 

Getting ready for IUI #4

We will do this in Sept.  It is probably going to be the trickiest IUI we have done yet.  DH is going out of town for work for 3 weeks (at least).  So he will have to fly home and give his sample then fly back to Tahoe.  He actually asked me to delay the follie growth/trigger/IUI stuff until the weekend.  Um, honey, it doesn't work that way!

So, in preparation for the next IUI, our fridge is filled with pom juice, I have started to take the prenatals again (yuck), and I bought pee sticks so I can pee the trigger out.  About the prenatals, I HATE them.  They always make me feel yucky.  So this time I went to Target and found gummy prenatals!  Score!  I think I have found THE BEST prenatals yet.  I supplement them with gummy calcium. 

So now it is a waiting game.  I wait for AF to start and then we will do IUI #4!

I feel lucky

There have been a bunch of small things that have honestly left me feeling very grateful for what I have.  Granted, we might not have the family we want or have dreamed of, but we have each other.  Our losses and our journey has only made me and J and our relationship stronger.  After the 2nd loss, I had a very self-conscious week spot and asked J to not leave me b/c I have not been able to give him a child.  He looked at me like I was crazy and said he would never think about that.  I don't know where or why I am so lucky and blessed, but I am.  If nothing else, all this drama we have had has made me not want to take what we have for granted.  I love J, with all my heart.  He is truly my rock.  I would never have been able to get through the heartache of two losses (and the possibility of more) without him.

HSG #2 done!

Left tube is all clear and it looks like we are all set for IUI's again in Sept.  It worked for us once, so it might work for us again.  I am just not super excited about it, b/c my tubes were "all clear" after the first HSG and I still ended up having an ectopic.  le sigh.

HSG

My first period started 7 days ago.  This was the first one since the ectopic, b/c it took 3 months for my beta's to drop.  So I go in tomorrow for the HSG.  My second one.  They suck.  But they want to make sure my one tube is ok.  The song I posted below is a good reminder that I am not broken and I have to deal with what I have.  I do like Jewel. 

Hands

If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands

Blast from the past: Tarrator!

This is a cold Cucumber Soup that is AMAZING.  I ate it daily in the summer time in Bulgaria. 

MMMM... If you use Greek plain yoghert, it needs more water (1/2 c more) and more salt (~1/2 teaspoon more). Yummm! I love summer b/c of things like this!
http://www.grouprecipes.com/5886/tarator-cold-yogurt-cucumber-soup.html#

Ingredients

• 2 cucumbers, peeled and chopped (or grated) shopping list
• 1 garlic clove, minced shopping list
• 4 c. plain yogurt shopping list
• 1/2 c. water shopping list
• 1/4 tsp. salt shopping list
• 2 tbs. dill, chopped shopping list
• 2 tsp. oil shopping list
• finely chopped walnuts

How to make it

1. Mash the garlic with salt and then add to it grated or finely chopped cucumber.
2. Add these to a large bowl and pour in the yogurt.
3. Gradually add water - the thickness is down to taste and also depends on how flavorful the yogurt you are using is.
4. Add additional salt to taste.
5. Add finely chopped walnuts and fresh dill as well as a couple of tea spoons of oil (sunflower or olive oil is typically used).
6. Best if refrigerated at least two hours before serving to allow flavors to mix.

Moving on...

Thursday I had another beta.  The number was .5 not 0, but not 1 either, so... that means I get to wait one cycle, have an other HSG and then do IUI.  I think the number was my body's way of saying f/u.  Oh well.  It will be nice to move on.  I hope the HSG comes out great and the first IUI is successful!

Debates over TTCing again

I have to stipulate this post with a preface.. I truly love my mom, but she is a bit crazy about freak accidents.  She thinks we are all going to die in a freak accident or something.  When my Prof of a sister took off to Mexico for a year for research, she sent her TONS of stuff on what to do in an Earthquake.  When DH went to eat some cookie dough, she slapped his hand away and told him she did not want him to die of salmonella poisoning.  Seriously. 

When I had the ectopic, she FREAKED out, b/c of Dr. Google.  She started googling and discovered that ectopics can be deadly.  So now she is freaking out about our continued efforts to TTC (trying to conceive), because Dr. Google told her that it could be deadly if we get another ectopic and that is possible b/c your chances of ectopic do increase after you have had one (but I think it is only if you still have the tube b/c of scar tissue, and I don't have it anymore).  


Mom, I love you, but seriously, this is what we want to do.  She knows she can't change our mind but that doesn't stop her from talking about adoption with me.  It is her passive aggressive way of telling me that she doesn't want us to TTC again. 

Last night I had a very nice conversation with some in real life friends who have had 3 losses and 6 failed IVF attempts.  I told them about my crazy mom and it honestly felt so good to be validated for wanting to continue to TTC.  They understand that we want to try all that we can to have a natural child first.  We haven't ruled out adoption, later, but for now we want to try for a biological child.  

Haven't Met You Yet

Haven't Met You Yet lyrics
Songwriters: Buble, Michael Steven; Chang, Alan; Foster, Amy;

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
In love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh, you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah, I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh, promise you, kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
(I just haven't met you yet)
Love, love, love, love
Love, love
I just haven't met you yet

Beta's

May 28, 2010- 162
June 4, 2010-125
June 11, 2010-68
June 18, 2010- 42.8
______________________________


Now I am bleeding, yet again from this blasted m/c.  It never seems to end.  I am tired of it. 

 

To make all of this worse the nurse, who is normally so very nice, was cruel when she called on Friday.  I don't think she realized it, but it still hurt.  She called and asked me if I knew what I would do if I did not have to come in?  To which I responded: So it is 0? She answered with a long pause filled with cricket noises then, no it is 42.8.  Come in next Friday. :-(

Groundhog Day!

Today's Beta is 162.  Going back again next Friday!  :-(

The Bill

The bills just came in for both ER visits.  It cost over $50,000 for both visits.  The good news is that I only owe $50, but still... OMG on the price!

Type of Ectopic I had...

My ectopic was a cornual ectopic... it almost made it into the uterus but didn't...

Useful Ectopic Info...

I had the laparoscopy and supposedly my HCG was suppose to be back to normal after 13 days... I am so not normal.  This really sucks.
____________________________________
The goal of treatment is to use the least invasive method that has the highest success rate and will preserve the woman's subsequent fertility. Here is a table that provides some useful information regarding the success rates and benefits of methotrexate versus laparoscopy.

Treatment	Success Rate	Post-op stay	Time for HCG back to normal	Subsequent pregnancy rates	Fertility Differences
Methotrexate	88.2%	24 hours	29 days	50-79%	Use of methotrexate results in lower rate of repeat ectopic pregnancy
Laparoscopy (salpingotomy	95.9%	46 hours	13 days	50-85%

How will this affect my fertility?
Here are some statistics that are useful for a woman to know following an ectopic pregnancy:

a) Chance of subsequent pregnancy: 50%
b) Chance of another ectopic: 15%
c) Chance of spontaneous abortion during next pregnancy: 15-20%

There are some factors that will decrease a woman s chance of getting pregnant again following an ectopic pregnancy, including:

a) Over age 35
b) Previous problems with fertility

Women who cannot get pregnant again after an ectopic pregnancy should try using various fertility techniques, such as in vitro fertilization.

From: http://www.estronaut.com/a/ectopic_pregnancy.htm

War wounds

This is from the blood draw on 5/20/2010.  Picture was taken today.... My poor veins...

Saddness is...

realizing that you still don't have a child.  My first BFP was in 2007.  Three years later I get another one with infertility treatments, only to lose it and my right tube.  It all makes me sad.  Sometimes life is just so unfair.

Our neighborhood for the better?

A few years ago, J and I where watching the beginning of Bones and we heard gunshots.  J grabbed his phone and his gun and told me to get down.  Then he called 911.  There had been a gang (MS13) related shooting in front of our house, where 3 people where hurt and one was  paralyzed.  The whole incident was surreal.

Well, a few months ago, I heard that they finally caught and convicted the guy who did the shooting.  (Read more here).  So that is one thing that makes me feel a little better.  As a reaction to this there where a series of community meetings.  J and I went to them.  They where always filled to capacity as a lot of people where upset by what was happening.  As a result of those meetings, our area finally got a police station.  I really hope this makes things better for our area b/c I really don't want to raise kids in an area that has so much violence.  (Read more here).

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

I honestly feel that my Friday's are like Groundhog day!  Yesterday's beta was 232.  So ...lather, rinse, repeat...next Friday.  sigh.  this.gets.so.old.

The next steps...

The surgery I had to remove my tube was the first surgery I ever had. I tried so hard to avoid it, but it was inevitable. My tube was in pieces when they took it out- as it had been completely destroyed by the ectopic-thus the source of the massive pain I was having. It was a mess and the baby was at the entrance to the ute and the tube so that is why there is some residual tissue in my ute causing all this beta drama. After my surgery I spotted for about 2 weeks. Then it stopped and AF like flow started. Now I am back to spotting- which I hope means the tissue is moving out of the ute.

They don't really know what caused the ectopic, but the research says that stimming we did for IUI can cause ectopic pregnancies. IF sucks.

The RE wants to move a head with IVF, but we want to use what insurance can cover for now- which is 3 more IUI attempts. So hopefully after I do another blasted HSG we can go ahead and try the IUIs and see how it goes. We are preparing for IVF, though. At this point it is a huge possibility.

Statistically the chances of getting KU again are the same with 1 tube as with 2. The tubes move around and eggs can be picked up by the one remaining tube even if they come out of the right ovary.

I have faith that we will end up with our child one day soon. It is a just a question of how much it will cost us to conceive a healthy child.  It is a battle to get there, but once we do, it will be well worth the battle.

As for getting back to "normal" ... well what is that? my normal has changed since my losses. I am always going to be on edge with worry, but hopefully that will just make me a better parent one day. Both of my losses have changed me, and in many ways I think it is for the better, but it doesn't change how hard and emotionally devistating it is. 

Today's beta. :-(

I started spotting a week after I stopped bleeding.  I hope this means the tissue is leaving and I will have a good drop on Friday.  Today's number is 382.  Still not great, but at least it is dropping. 

Beta update

After a week it is 417.  ugh.  I hate this.

Finally the hormones are moving!

Yesterday's beta with the OB clinic was 700.  Today's beta with the RE is 601!  I think the recent bleeding I have been having has made it do it's thing!  Keep moving down, Beta, Keep moving down!

Today's beta

Not good.  902.  Ughhhh!!!  I go back on Friday.  They are saying there is a possibility of a D&C.  They did not like the fact that I was spotting and stopped and now am back to spotting again.  This is seriously turning into the m/c from hell!!!!!!!!

Next steps and WTF body.

The pregnancy was confirmed as being at the opening of the ute and tube.  They think that I actually have some retained tissue b/c it was at the opening- so that is why my beta's are moving so slowly.

We will get to use our 3 IUI's for next time.  I won't have to do clomid it will only be FSH (Gonal-F injections).  I respond well, so  we will have about a 15-20% chance of getting KU on those attempts.  Before I can do this, though I must go through another blasted HSG just to make sure my one and only tube is ok.  Not looking forward to that again....

Slow body

Today's beta is 959. 

They said my body wants to hold onto this pregnancy, even though it is gone.  It is good for when you are KU, but when you are trying to move on it is agonizing!  Now I have to go in Tuesday AND Friday for more betas. 

Beta update

Today's number is 1,551.  Apparently my body moves very.slowly.  ughhhh!

Update on Today's Beta

It was 2100.  On Monday it was 6660, so it is falling.  Go in next Friday for one more and I will be hoping it will be at O by then. 

RIP Right tube

This originally was written on 4/12/2010

Yesterday I woke up in severe pain, so DH rushed me to the hospital at 4 am.  Turns out my right tube started to rupture, so they had to remove it.  I am doing a lot better physically than I thought I would.  The only "sore" areas are where the incisions are so I am hopeful that I can finally go back to work and get into my normal routine again.

I am also grateful that  physical drama of the ectopic pregnancy is over, finally!

My Husband, my rock.

Granted with all that has been going on with me and DH and this loss, my heart has been heavy.  Don't get me wrong.  DH and I are stronger than ever.  All this drama with my body has brought us closer together.  DH has been absolutely amazing.  After the surgery he made me French Toast, when he had no clue on how to make it- all b/c I had a craving.  He has been attentive and just there when I need him.  If I seem "strong" it is b/c he has been holding me up. 

DH and I have been together for 5 years now, and still in the "lovie dovie" stage that I hope never dies, I think it is b/c we found each other later in life and had time to figure out what we wanted and when we found it we latched on.  


But, I would be remiss to say that my heart is heavy.  We both REALLY want to be parents and had so much hope in the pregnancy. 

 I had to go into the RE clinic this AM so they can make sure my Beta's continue to fall.  This trip, of course was not easy.  I get there and everyone is so nice, caring and understanding.  The nurse who always takes my blood and who, incidentally, went through a loss at 20 weeks when her babies heart stopped, complimented me on my DH.  At first I was taken aback, b/c I guess I never really noticed just HOW supportive he is of me.  She told me she has been with her husband for 5 years and they don't act like us.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that she is right.  I am lucky, very lucky, despite the hell my body is giving us, I have DH.  He truly is my rock and my reason to be thankful. 

Things might be finally moving in the right direction!

My beta rose yesterday to 11000, so surgery was a possibility.  Today's beta, however dropped to 7,000. 

My body the drama queen

And I am soooo over it.  I really just want to be done with this mess. Before I start I should mention that last weeks beta was around 6,000.

Yesterday I had a beta draw and it was over 10,000.  They told me that it was way too high.  So I needed to come in for a ultra sound today.   The ultra sound went ok.  The tech thinks it is in my right tube not the left the consensus is that it is at the opening of the tube to ute- so the embrio almost made it to the right place... but almost does not count.  (sigh)  The tubes move behind the ute during pregnancy so it is still difficult to see which tube it is.  I don't want it to be my right one b/c it was my right ovary that was producing all the beautiful follies.  

Surgery is still not ruled out, but it looks less likely today.  There has been no growth, so that is great news.  Now the numbers need to fall.  I go back in for another beta draw on Thursday.  Hopefully we will see a drop. 

I just want it all to end.  I hate the day-to-day changes that are happening.  (Sigh)

It's officially over

They did an ultra sound today and found a sack in my left tube.  The pregnancy is ectopic.  They started me on methotrexate in the hopes that it will dissolve the pregnancy and I won't have to have surgery.  I can't drink for 2 weeks, but that is ok, b/c the alternative is not desirable (surgery).  I would like to keep my lady parts, if I can please.  I go back in Monday for more blood work and another methotrexate injection. 

This just sucks.  life is so unfair sometimes. 

Today's beta

went up.  It is 2142.  They don't know what that means and can't tell me any more than that.  I guess I go in for a u/s on Wed. 

I think it is over. :-(

We had so much hope for our November Possibility, but unfortunately it does not look good.  On Monday I got home and was in severe abdominal pain, so J took me to the emergency room.  We told them I was 5 weeks pregnant.  At first they thought it was appendicitis.  The pain was constant, so they wanted to do an ultra sound to see if they could see anything pregnancy wise and appendix wise.  I had a very high white blood count, so they knew something was wrong.  After all the tests they still did not know.  My beta was 1300 ish.  I don't remember the exact number.  So since the symptoms of appendicitis and ectopic pregnancy are the same, they thought it could be either one of those.  They admitted me for observation over night and in the AM the beta was 1200 is.  Again I don't remember the exact number.  The drop is not good.  By the end of the day on Tuesday they suspected the pain was caused by a ruptured cyst on my right ovary.  But the dropping beta was concerning so they were not ruling out an ectopic pregnancy.  The next day, I went into the OB and she ruled out an ectopic pregnancy.  But we still officially don't know about the pregnancy.  She said beta's can vary from lab to lab, so she did not want us to get one done with her, b/c it would be a third lab and could confuse the data.  She told me to let Shady Grove know about what happened on Monday and to have their lab do betas as it will be more consistent coming from them.  I went in today and will find out later what is going on.  The nurse was so kind and sad for me.  I spotted once in the ER and have not spotted since then, but the symptoms are less, so I suspect it is over. 

Beta #3

The number is  829.  It doubled.  Yay!  I just might be able to keep this baby.  I set up the first u/s for March 31.  So nervous!

17 DPO Beta

I went in for the Beta draw this AM.  I am so scared.  The nurse tried to put me at ease, but admitted that even with a loss you will never be at ease.  Apparently she had a late loss at 20 weeks when her little boy died of heart failure in the uterus.  She said she was terrified during the whole time of her next pregnancy, but it was healthy.  I explained my loss at 11 weeks and how long it has taken to get us to this point after our loss and she just hugged me.  I was in tears by that point.

As for the Beta's she explained to me that they are looking for an increase but it does not have to be doubling, just about a 40% increase.  She said that most people will double, but it does not happen to everyone.  Also my beta at ~15DPO (173) is a great number.  They like to see above 75 at that point.

I will update when I get the numbers from them this afternoon.  ETA today's beta's are 393.  They more than doubled!

IUI #3= BFP!!

Beta #1 is 173!

I am shocked, and stunned!

15 DPO

No AF, but b/c of the progesterone it won't come until 2 days from now.  I expect a BFN.  Had blood drawn this AM.  I don't see how an embie could implant when I was so sick all week last week.  Oh well.  I am getting use to that.  On to the WTF apt on Wed....

IUI #3

56 million pre -wash and 6.7 million post wash spermies are on their way to hopefully fertilizing my eggs.  We will see...

Angel

I forgot what this song meant to me and felt it was fortuitous as I heard it on the way to the IUI this AM.  I really love the acoustic version with Santana. 

Spend all your time waiting
For that one second chance
For the break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
So tired of this straight life
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

CD13 by the numbers

We are triggering tonight. 
I have 3 follies that will release: Right 20 and 15 Left: 16. Lining is great.  Apparently I also have a bunch of smaller follies all measuring at about 11 or 10 so the total number is 8 for the follies.  But since they have to be above 14 to release, those smaller ones won't release.

I went over the protocol with the nurses and this was the first time they told me about the time when you are suppose to trigger and we have been triggering way to early.  I should have read the stuff first.  I feel like the biggest idiot.  We are going to trigger at around midnight tonight so that we get better timing. 

CD11 on IUI #3

So I have 4 follies:

• Right: 15 and 13
• Left 13 and 12 
• Lining is at 11.3

I go back in on Friday after another day of injects tonight.

It isn't as bad as going in every day like in the past.  The Dr. said my ovaries are stubborn and like to make the eggs on their own time.  Dr. also said I need to make a WTF apt b/c this is our 3rd IUI.  I will talk to my husband about this tonight and make the apt on Friday when I go back in.  I think we will push to do the other three IUI's and then possibly move on to IVF.  I know they only like to do 3 IUIs before IVF, but since insurance covers 6 IUIs, we should try to use them....

ETA:  E2 level was 723

CD3 Ultrasound

Right ovary has 9 follies and Left ovary has 7.  This is more than last cycle in which I had 8 follies on my right ovary and 4 on my left.  I hope it ends up being fruitful for us, but I must admit my hope is waning as time goes on ...

It's official...BFN

Yep, another IUI cycle down the tubes.  We have four more to go before IVF.  I hope we do not have to go that far.  I really want to be a mommy.  This process is just so heartbreaking for me.

Our follies before the IUI

I went in for monitoring on Jan. 27 and had the following follie sizes:
Rt follie 19 mm
Rt Follie 17.3 mm
Lt follie 12.7 mm
Lt follie 15 mm

Lining 10.5 mm

E2 was 540

The Dr. said I would have 3 follies releasing.  Research said something similar:

Many doctors monitor follicle development during IUI cycles. Most trigger when the dominant follicle is within a certain size range. While there is always some difference in doctor preference, the norms are unmedicated 20-24mm, clomiphene citrate 20-24mm, FSH-only meds 17 or 18mm minimum, and FSH+LH would be 16 or 17mm minimum. It is possible for slightly smaller follicles, 14-15mm, to contain a viable egg. Also, follicles continue to grow until they release, usually at a rate of about 1-2 mm per day. A woman may ovulate more than one follicle in a cycle, but the releases will occur within 24 hours. When hCG is not used, only follicles close in size are likely to release. The use of hCG induces ovulation in about 95 percent of women, and will get most mature follicles to rupture. http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/iui.html

IUI the numbers

I went in on Wed to do the IUI.  J dropped off the sperm at 9 am and we went in at 10:45am for the procedure.  His numbers where good.. 155 million sperm pre-wash and 30 million post wash.  According to my online research:

Higher success rates are with washed counts over 20-30 million, while increasing counts over 50 million did not appear to offer advantage. http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/iui.html

Added to the fact that we have 3 follies this month, we are in a 26% chance of success!  It feels great to be so hopeful about a cycle.  I know it does not mean much but it is enough to keep my hopes up REAL high!

CD14 Follie Check

(They printed off the list for me today so I did not have to remember the measurements they gave me.  It was so much easier!)
Follies
Right side 15.8
Right side 17.5
Left side 13.4
Left Side 14.5

Lining is at 13.2

They want me to do another round of injections of the FSH.  Since I am out it will be an injection of Bravile.  Looks like the IUI might be on Friday now.

Edited at 1:45pm My E2 level was 454.  It went down a little bit, but they said that happens when some of the follies stop growing and since I had a lot of little ones they are probably the ones that stopped growing.  

Still looks good @cd13!

Went in today for the morning dildo cam and blood work.  Still have 4 follies with one at 16mm and one at 15mm.  I will do another Gonal-F (75mL) injection tonight and with lots and lots of good luck we will do the IUI on Thursday!  I am so much more hopeful this cycle because I have more follies.  Last cycle I only had 1 follie!  So this means our chance this cycle is around 20% and not the 6% chance we had last time!  Woo hoo!

Edited after call.  Turns out the 2 follies on my left that I thought where 14 are really 3 follies measuring 13, 12, and 11.  Apparently they clumped together and so the reading over the weekend was a little off.  But on my right I have a 15mm and a 16 mm follie.  Lining is at 11.7 so it is great.  They did not give me my E2 level.

Edited on 1/26/2010 I found the E2 level at the Dr's office.  It was 477.

CD11

4 follies
2 on the left @ 14 mm
1 on the right @ 15 mm
1 on the right @ 14 mm
E2- 400
Lining 9.32

Yeah!!!

Former student is sueing Beyoncé

Yep, you read that correctly.  A former student of mine from my Peace Corps days in Bulgaria is suing Beyonce for copyright violations.  I think he might have a chance to win this. 

The full news story is here. Below is a picture of Iskren's original design:

And her is a pic from the "video phone" video of Beyonce wearing the design...

Headache from hell

One of the biggest drawbacks of all of this fertility stuff are the headaches.  I feel as if my head is going to explode.  I just want it to go away!

Blog awards

My friend PeetiePie gave me these two blog awards!

The Happy 101 Award

The rules:

List 10 things that make you happy.

Pass it on to 10 bloggers that make your day a better one!

1. Jason
2. Dante and his speak toys
   
3. Lazy Sundays
   
4. Sewing
5. Cooking
6. Mail
7. Sunny warm days
   
8. Chocolate Cheesecakes
   
9. Family
10. Old photographs
    

The Glamorous Blog Award

The rules:

Thank the person who gave you the award.
Link the person who gave it to you.
Keep it going and give the award to whomever you would like..

I'm tagging the following people:

Goldylocks
PeetiePie
RecipeforBabyLambShank
Learning to Breath Again
Baby A is Brewing
My Bed Rest Diary

CD3

I went in for the U/S and bloodwork today.  Looks like I have 8 follies on my right side and 4 on the left.  We will see how they develop.  I start with the clomid today...

Edited @ 2pm.  The bloodwork came back and all looks good. I will start clomid tonight.  I forgot to add that there where no cysts at the u/s.

CD1

I woke up to full flow, so at least that means I can now move on to IUI cycle #2.  I am happy about that since this last cycle was the never ending break cycle from hell.  I called the RE's office to find out if I still needed to take the provera and they said no.  So that means I will go in for the CD3 blood work and U/S on Friday.  I asked about the cramping I had on Jan 2 and they said it might have been caused by a cyst.  I then got a huge lecture about how I should not take motrin while on a treatment, to which I told them that I was on a break cycle and it did not matter.  Grrr... some times those nurses do not know how to LISTEN.  I told her I was on a break cycle when she called back and could have done without the lecture, thank you! 

Anyways, I am just so happy to be moving on, finally! 

Results

I went in this AM for a blood draw to find out WTF is going on.  Turns out there was no LH surge so I have not even ovulated yet.  I started spotting so I thought that meant that AF would start, but noooo.  So now I go and get provera and take that for a bit to hopefully "reset" my body.  Sigh.  I hate this.  They told me that the meds from last cycle upset my system and it is a "normal" reaction.  I don't regret having a break cycle, but OMG I did not want it to last so long!

Called RE

Since there is no sign of AF and still getting BFN's and I am now officially 9 days late, I scheduled blood work for tomorrow.  Hopefully things will get moving....Stupid body!

Called the RE

I called the RE, b/c my cycle is just rediculous.  Even J thinks so.  So if I don't get my period by Monday they will have me come in for blood work to figure out what is going on and then give me provera (birth control) to get the next cycle started.  To day is Sat and there is STILL no sign of AF.  My body sucks!

New day, same news.

Blah.  BFN and no AF. 

On another note, I really wish the accountant at works would leave me alone.  I went to pick up my pay check and she asked "Still no baby yet?"  OMG, just mind your own business already.  Leave me alone.  What is happening with my reproductive organs is my business not yours!

Still no AF

And still a BFN, I checked yet again.  This is driving me crazy.  I think I ovulated very late- like Sat.  I just wish my body would cooperate.  le sigh.

New Year, New Layout!

I just changed the layout to reflect the new year.  I hope you like it.  I got it from:
http://simplyblogitbackgrounds.blogspot.com/search/label/flowers

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year!

It is about time AF shows up.  She was due yesterday, but did not make the trip... I did check and got a BFN, so I want to move on, but nothing is happening.  I wish my body would let me know what is going on!  I am tired of the guessing game and would like to move on to IUI #2 please....